By Guest Writer: CP Howes
My doctor told me I had to exercise more. So, I started looking at the latest stationary bikes, you know, the ones with sightseeing videos and surround sound. You know, the kind of stationary bike you see advertised on TV and used by big-city high-rise dwellers. The people who look out their window to compete with the neighbor on the 15th-floor apartment across from them. I really want one of those. But my wife, always the pragmatist of economic moderation, pointed out that I already have an Olympic weight set and two gym memberships that I was hardly using. “But the doctor said I was going to die if I don’t start exercising,” I pleaded. “Try the mall,” she retorted. Huh! Who knew things could be that simple?
There are advantages to mall walking for us elderly walkers. It offers even walking surfaces unencumbered by seasonal weather conditions. The year-round climate control is beneficial, too. The mall I go to has restrooms conveniently located and lounge areas where you can sit down and recharge your body and your iPhone simultaneously. They also have free Wi-Fi that works better in some parts of the building than others. Experienced mall walkers have this stuff all figured out, so look where they tend to congregate.
Window shopping helps change the scenery and makes you forget that you are actually exercising. If you see something you like in a store, you might want to jot down the store’s name; otherwise, you tend to forget. If you shop while you walk, you have to carry a bunch of packages around with you. Not good. New kiosks pop-up every now and again, offering exciting items for sale and a change of scenery. Yesterday I bought a new 10’ charging cord for my Bluetooth speaker from one, and I have my eye on a 5’ Ninja sword with a curvy blade.
It might just be my observation, but there appear to be many more female mall walkers than males. There is not much to attract male clientele to the mall other than the food court, which I try to avoid when mall walking. There is no sense walking off a pound and adding two more on the way out. The mall needs a few stores where men can window shop, someplace where you can buy stuff for a dollar, get a cheap new socket wrench set, or buy a fishing license and a new tire for your tractor. You know the kind of places I’m referring to. You can only see so many manikins in yoga pants, and then you can’t un-see them.
Once around the mall is equal to 0.7 miles. They have that conveniently marked on the floor somewhere. A 250-pound person will burn about 300 calories walking one mile, while the average 100-pound person will burn 115 calories a mile. There are 3500 calories to a pound. The heavier person would need to walk around the mall 12 times to burn off a pound and then sit in the lounge chair away from the food court and wait for his 100-pound counterpart to traverse the mall 18 more times to burn off the same pound. Yeah, how fair is that! But let’s not go there.
If you’re going to take up mall walking, remember that the mall is a commercial enterprise and not a gym. Be courteous and patronize the proprietors. Mall walking should be a win-win proposition.
All things considered, I still think I want that new stationary bike. You know, the one with the video and surround sound that lets me compete with my neighbor on the 15th-floor apartment across the way. I wonder if my doctor can write me a prescription for one of those.
