Written by: Jane Mahoney, Older Americans Act Consultant, Greater Wisconsin Agency on Aging Resources
Everyone needs help from time to time. Sometimes, there is an urgent need such as a sudden illness or the death of someone close, or it’s just a tough week when a lot of little things go wrong. Other times we simply find we are unable to do all the things we used to do. As a caregiver, the responsibilities can feel overwhelming. Whatever the case, we all find ourselves in a position where we need a little bit of help.
It can be so hard to ask for help! We are taught to take care of ourselves and see asking for help as a sign of weakness. We may tell ourselves that it will get better or that there isn’t anything anyone else can do. As a caregiver, we may feel that no one else can really do our job. We may even talk ourselves into thinking we don’t need help, but deep down, we know we could use some assistance. Admitting that we need help is the first step.
When you are ready to ask for help, be specific in what you need the most. Maybe you need something tangible like groceries or medications delivered, a ride to an appointment, your house cleaned, or a meal prepared. Other times you may just need someone to talk to. If you’re not sure what you need, ask a friend, relative, or counselor to help you. Write down your needs. Allowing yourself to name your needs can be hard, but it is a necessary step to getting help.
While you review your list of needs, determine the times you need help the most so that you may arrange for help ahead of time. Then, think about the people you know who you might be able to help. Consider asking neighbors, people you’ve met at church, or community centers, as well as family and friends. Many people would feel honored to be asked to help. There also may be people at the Aging & Disability Resource Center (ADRC) or local volunteer agency that could help.
The next step is directly asking for help. It is best to be specific in your request, “Could you pick up some groceries for me sometime today or tomorrow?” or “Would you be able to take me to an appointment next Monday?” or “Could we schedule a phone visit this week? I just need someone to talk to.” By being specific, it is more likely for your need to be fulfilled and it also makes it easier for the person helping to know exactly what you want. If the answer to your request is no, don’t get discouraged. It may take a few tries to find someone who can assist you.
Sometimes when people offer to help it may catch you off guard and you can’t think of anything you need right at that moment. To remedy this, keep a pencil and paper handy and write down the various things you could use help with as you think of them. Then when people ask, “How can I help you?” you can simply consult your list and give them a specific task. Writing things down as you think of them helps you remember the things you need, and it also allows people to choose something that they feel most comfortable with.
Once you have successfully allowed others to assist you, continue to evaluate your situation as needs change. You may find that you no longer need what you did before or there may be different areas where help is needed. Just make sure you are getting all your needs met so you can be as healthy and happy as possible.
